I’ve Been Robbed!!

Jake Gyllenhaal STOLE our dog’s name! His German Shepard mix is named Atticus Finch!!

I am convinced he stole it from us. I mean come on who else would be so creative!?!?!?!?

Virgin

Yup, it’s me. I’m the virgin. Puppy virgin that is. Let me tell you puppies are HARD WORK. I went into this endeavour all naive and bushy tailed. Ready to have the most trained dog on the block. He was going to be so much fun, Mae would have some company, where was the downside??

While Atticus is seriously the cutest thing on earth he can also be a big pain. Everyone who is awwing right now and thinking I am really mean has obviously never had a puppy!

We got Atticus on Sunday, he was so good. Charmed my three year niece, he was so sweet with her, just slept on her lap and let her pet him non to gently. He played with my nephew and charmed Mae when she got home from Indiana.

THEN it started. Monday he was with me all day. He cried and barked if I left him side. He refused to walk making me carry him everywhere (I realize he was sad about leaving his mom and all that but DAMN). Monday I put him in the crate for the first time and he was GREAT! He slept in the damn thing for like an hour. I thought I was home free! However, my naive ass didn’t realize I was sitting right beside him of course he was aces, he knew I was there! Well, Mae gets home and we test him in the crate in the other room. It was MAYHEM! Picture the scene in Lady and the Tramp when they are barking about the rat. I swear to god I thought this dog was going to blow out his vocal cords. Mae and I sat in her living room staring at each other in horror. Mae lives in an apartment and we had already agreed that if she got a noise complaint Atticus would have to find a new home. Finally he calmed down and I went home. Seriously relieve to get away, however I had nightmares that he was in the bed with me and I was smothering him all freaking night.

Fast forward to Friday. After a week of shitting on the carpet (he hasn’t done that in a few days, Pissing everywhere he pleases (he still does that), crying in the crate (he is over that, thank god!), and waking Mae up every hour (we are hoping this will stop ASAP!). We were done. Mae calls me at about 7 and tells me that when he woke her up at 5:30 she burst into tears. I’m pretty sure it was the ugly cry and I don’t blame her, she had worked about 50 hours that week and born the brunt of his hourly potty breaks.

I was distraught, how could I let this dog ruin my friends life! And on top of that Atticus seemed miserable, he moped around all day, never played, hated walks and was only happy with other dogs. I felt so bad for him. He was miserable, we were miserable. I spent the whole morning thinking about it. I am not going to lie, I cried from sheer exhaustion as well. There was just too much going on last week; exams, Cruella had reared her ugly perfectly coiffed head again, and on top of all that the dog was majorly time consuming. I was spending 3 or 4 hours a day trying to train him. Mae was putting in about as much time at night.

Then I went to the vet. Man let me tell you the vet did some MEAN things to my poor pup. I felt so bad for him, but I asked about a million question. Why was he so lazy? Was he sad? How much should I feed him? What is he?? When will he SLEEP? The vet was awesome and answered everything for me. Apparently our little Atticus had worms and that had a lot to do with his disposition and sleeping problems.

Atticus has perked up in the last few days, I’m pretty sure he is getting used to our crazy schedules. He is acting more like a puppy and not having as many accidents. We have pretty much beaten the crate. Now he just needs to sleep through the night, so we can save Mae’s sanity.

Atticus is currently sleeping across my shoes with his water bottle in between his paws. So Cute! Forget everything I said puppies are great. Wait, he just peed on the carpet, DAMNIT!

Things I have learned

I never knew how much it is possible to care when and how much a dog shits

Dogs can get depressed

Dogs are really really smart and can sense your mood (he knew he was on the chopping block Friday and was sweet as pie)

You can learn exactly what your dog looks like right before he pisses on the carpet and stop him in time.

Vets check to see if your dogs testicles have dropped (YOWCH!)

A water bottle is a lot more fun than the $100 dollars worth of toys you just bought (Damnit)

Everything needs time and patience, especially dogs

PUPPIES ARE HARD–Get one that is crate and potty trained and save yourself a HUGE headache.

 

Totally random note–I’m watching Somewhere in Time with Christopher Reeves and Jane Seymour. Anyone seen it? I absolutely love this movie! I am crying in anticpation of how sad it is!

 

Interviews

I saw this cool thing on Tipp’s page. They are interviewing 50 bloggers in 50 states. Sounds cool! I’m doing it. Check it out!

 

This just because it makes me laugh.

I’m a bad mommy

Ok so I am a bad mommy.

So tonight I am hanging out with the pup at Mae’s. So I decided to be nice and clean up (really I just got bored and actually love to clean).

I am cleaning away and the TV goes nuts (Mae doesn’t have cable so picture this-Me wrapped in foil, one leg up in the air swearing–loudly). While I am balancing on one foot trying not to step on Atticus (his permanent place is under my feet) I knock off a bottle of oil (its smells good I guess) ONTO THE DOG!  

I AM A BAD MOMMY!

The dog is covered in oil and is getting his first bath once Mae gets home with shampoo. At 9 PM! DAMN IT!

Training Bra Tramps

Ok so this is pretty much how I feel today.

 

So at the end of this horrific day/week I go to get some nice greasy Chinese food (I’m definitely an emotional eater, I’m planning on eating an entire chocolate cake in about an hour, I’m waiting for the 6 pounds of pad thai to settle).

As i am waiting for the food I can’t help but overhear (who am I kidding, I might as well have a glass to my ear) two children. Picture training bra’s and knee socks. ( these kids were actually 14-15). So here is the conversation

Girl 1 (we’ll call her Amber)- So Tim like totally keeps telling me he loves me. I’m like whoa Tim back off

Girl 2 (she’ll be Tiffany)- That is so crazy, I can’t believe he like keeps telling you that. Gah!

Amber- I mean Tony told me he was telling him how hot I was. He said I was a sex pot. (i swear to god this child said sex pot–she might as well put on go-go boots head to Studio 54 and do a line off Hugh Hefner’s ass)

At this point I am trying to decide if I should laugh or cry. I choose to roll my eyes excessively and sigh like it’s my job. I should save my sanity and stop listening but I just can’t tear myself away. Kind of the same problem I have with reality tv.

Amber- Tim came up to me and was like so I hear you have a new car, we should try out the backseat.

Tiffany- Gah! Oh my Gosh! Wow! How did he know you have a new car? (as if this is the part of that sentence that warrants comment)

Amber- I guess he heard me talking to Cindy. I mean I was like back off. But you know I’ll probably do it.

At this point I am literally biting my cheek to cause enough pain to distract me from this car-wreck. In my head I am screaming about teen pregnancy , STD’s, and waiting until you at least have an A cup to test out the back seat! Also, please god don’t start out your sex life in the back seat. It won’t be worth it kid!!

So I thankfully grab my food and run out the door. As I am getting into my little Mazda hatchback ( I love it) I see these bitches kids hop into a brand new Mercedes. However, mom was in passenger seat waiting for them. HA!

Some Random Rants

Why God Why do people going 30 mph feel the need to drive in the left lane! MOVE OVER GRAMPY!

On that note- If you are smoking a cigarette, talking on your gay, stupid, losery blue tooth and fiddling with yourself YOU SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING!

I wonder what it would feel like to punch the bot-ox right out of Cruella. I bet really good.

I wish we could have allergies in winter, it sucks already. Allergies really bring spring down a notch. Damn the pollen.

Why do people view an evite and then not respond? HELLO, just mark NO it takes ONE MINUTE. And side note I can see when you view it!!

I never thought I would be so happy to see a dog take a shit outside…

I kind of like Ashley Simpson’s new song… I hate myself a little for that.

Star Jones is getting divorced–Gee I’m so surprised. (my voice is dripping with sarcasm right now)

Greed

I just read a great post on emotional thinkers and rational thinkers. I am definitely the latter. I am a rational thinker, I do not understand people who act in haste or do things they know are wrong because they can not control their emotions. I have never played the break up/make up game and do not tolerate toxic friends. Yes this might make me a bitch. I get that, however, my friends and family know they can %110 count on me at any time. And I know the same. I also can not understand manipulative, jealous or greedy people.

I would say I’m honest to a fault. This is not necessarily a good trait. I am very blunt and sometime need to sensor myself a little bit more. All through school that was my teachers biggest complaint,  “She doesn’t think before she speaks”. I still have that problem. I can’t take a liar, lies or talking behind people’s backs.

This brings me to the point of this post. Why do people feel that they have to be nice when they clearly do not like you? If you ask me just nod hello to me and move on. Or let’s have it out and then get over it. I see people every day going out of their way to be negative and cut others down. At this point in my life I am mired down with these sorts of people. Greedy, Jealous, Manipulative, just plain Ugly. It is very hard for me to bite my tongue when people are attempting to affect my life or hurting my friends. I am learning. Slowly. It’s hard.

I am choosing to look at the positive. I am learning so much in my daily life about what not to be. I know exactly how I want to treat people and the things I will not stand for. I am hoping I will be able to keep my idealistic view of right and wrong. I know I will be shocked at the “real world” but am hoping I will be able to conduct myself in a manner that allows me to sleep soundly at night knowing I have done my best.

I think everyone should remember the old adage “Honesty is the best policy”.  And another one I’m sure you’ve all heard “Treat others as you wish to be treated”.  How far we have come from this.

Atticus’ Arrival!!

Its Atticus Comes Home Day!!! Yippee!!!

 

What??!?!!?

I just thought I would tell you that my top search is Dildo mom….yeesh, sickos.

Brats and Heroes

So today I’m in the gym reading my trusty old People magazine (yes I know, reading does not make for the best workout, but I think I should get points for even making it into a gym on a Saturday!) Two stories stuck out in my head. These stories were printed back to back. I found this ironic. The first story inspired seething hatred the second restored my faith in humanity! I wonder if the editor did this on purpose

The Bad

Ok the first story was about a group of girls who lured another girl to a home and beat her up. As if this was not reprehensible enough these littles bitches taped the whole thing and posted it on YouTube. This bothers me for many reasons.

1. Not only are these girl eveil (not just evil, Eveil–like the fruits of the deveil) they are pretty stupid also. What kind of dumb high school brat tapes a crime and then posts it on the Internet! Hey bitches, you just gave the prosecutor all the evidence he needs to put your spoilt ass away!

2. A father of one of the assailants says his child should not be prosecuted because on the tape she can be heard whispering “let her run away”..Tough shit Daddy, maybe next time you will instill some morals or at the very least a basic understanding of right and wrong. Asshole.

3. Pretty much all of the parents of the assailants are quoted saying “They are just kids”..Well it seems to me that beating a girl into unconsciousness while laughing is a pretty grown up thing to do. Lock em up, I say!

4. What is wrong with kids? I teach pre-schoolers and have had to stop little girls from making fun of other girls because of their clothing and had to pull a pair of three years olds apart because they were making out!! What has happened!! If I had even tried to pull any of the crap these brats try today my mom would have unleashed on me. And for that I thank her!

5. I really think all kids should wear uniforms. I did, for 12 years. No one ever got made fun of for clothes, we had to be more creative in order to torture other kids. At least we were original.

6. I firmly believe these bitches brats stupid whoresgirls should be made an example of. If these girls are let off with a warning this kind of behavior is going to run rampant. These girls need to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Harsh you say? Well look, if they thought this was hilarious and cool what will they do when they get away with it? And what about all the publicity? Can’t turn back now folks, it will look like we are condoning this kind of behavior.

The Good

 

Ok on to the good stuff. The second story I read was about a NINETY yes, 90 year old man. He is apparently one of those mall walkers, which means he gets his daily exercise by doing laps around the mall. Which I think is the cutest thing I have ever heard.

So this old (90) year old man is coming up the escalator last week. He sees a little girl about to fall over the side. (where was mom? Why was she even allowed to be on the escalator alone?) So this, did I mention he was 90?, man RUNS up the escalator and grabs the child before she goes over! He saved her life! Talk about quick action!

 I’m not sure I would react that fast now, let alone in 60 years! This man is the complete opposite of those bratty girls. He represents goodness if you ask me!

oh yeah..he was 90 by the way!!!

 

Help Me!

I need help. I signed up for Blockbusters version of Netflix a few months ago–I paid $9 to rent two movies and with this plan I get unlimited movies for $11 a month! No Brainer!–

Don’t get me wrong I saw some awesome movies for the first month or two,

Gone Baby Gone–heartbreaking and excellent, Casey Affleck is my new favorite actor.

Enchanted–SO SO cute!

Dan in Real Life–ahhh Steve

Elizabeth–Cate Blanchett, best freaker outer in the history or losing it!

However, I have been treated to a string of unadulterated crap crap crap for the past couple of weeks. Last night took the cake, I watched about 2/3’s of a movie about these sick bastards that sell young girls in the sex slave trade in Mexico. Seriously disturbing, and not even good. I expect more of you Kevin (Kline that is)! I mean come on man you were in A Fish Called Wanda!!!

Please send me your suggestions! I’ve resorted to getting Lions for Lambs (if it’s not Far and Away, I’m not interested Tom). Send me anything, old, new, funny, sad..just as long as it is GOOD!

I’m Desperate!