Summer Love

It feels like I haven’t posted in forever! I’ve been so blissfully happy I can’t seem to think of any sarcastic comments or make fun of people. I don’t even recognize myself!! And I didn’t want to post some sappy crap that would make everyone throw up in their mouths and delete me from their blog roll, so that left me nothing!

It’s summer in Nashville, and aside from the fact that I can’t see and/or breathe its incredible!! So here’s my list of wonderful summer Nashville things!!

• Movies in the Park. Picture Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey in Wedding Planner but better..and real. And the icing on the cake, they are playing Dirty Dancing. Yeah I’m crazy for Swayze, I said it. Don’t act like you never wanted to carry a watermelon.

 

•  Canoeing! Yeah it’s the Harpeth and yeah its like a big bath but I love it! Even when Tipp makes me row us all by myself! Watch out for the cows!!!

 

• A tan! Summer means I get to look healthy and not like a little Indian kid with jaundice and huge circles under her eyes! and NO MAKEUP! I’ll be damned if I’m wearing makeup in 145 degree weather with 200% humidity..deal with it! I’m going with the theory that a tan makes you look ten pounds skinnier..now if they are right about looking ten pounds skinnier if you stand up straight, I’m at my goal weight!! How do you like that weight watchers!

 

• We won’t have 25 kids in each gymnastics class I teach on the bus! And since the kids can go outside all day it’s not a melee when they get to come out to us! Downside, sweaty little bodies that just want to loll all over you. One more upside, when it gets really hot they just want to lie down. Maybe I should just put the heaters on year round?

 

• Dancing in the Park. A huge band playing swing, latin or Jazz music. And tons of people dancing like professionals at sunset! Who am I kidding, I’ll never have the balls to go out there! I look like Elaine when I dance. NOT cute! Maybe I’ll go watch..

 

 

Deep Thoughts Part 44.8

• Telephone headsets make me laugh..Hard. I want to sing Madonna songs whenever I see someone wearing them. Bluetooth is pretty much the same story, I laugh really hard when people wear them. Most of the time they see me laughing at them, oops. But seriously bluetooth..come on.

 

• Ugly Betty is about 28 and still has braces. Hey ABC, no one has braces for 5 years, I think its time to let her get them off. Evolve the character people.

 

• I could not have loved it more when Bailey told the nurses on Grey’s to close their legs and stop having sex with Sloan. Those nurses are whores, quit sleeping around and concentrate on your job bitches!! And Sloan?? Seriously, you’re trying to tell me it shocked them he was sleeping around??!!? I guess that’s why they aren’t Doctors, not so smart. (sorry if anyone is a nurse out there! Love you!)

 

• I think my dog has Pica. He ate about a pound of sand today, isn’t that weird? I’m pretty sure I’ll be dealing with doggy diarrhea in about 3 hours. Not the smartest dog on earth.

 

• I forgot what it’s like to be so happy you actually can’t think of anything to bitch about. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this happy. If you know me you know it’s big if I can’t find something to be sarcastic about!

 

• My dog’s favorite toys are some knitting and his brush…I think he’s gay. Maybe it’s because he has two mommies. It’s ok I accept him just as he is, don’t worry.

 

• Angelina Jolie’s having twins. I really hate that tramp, but still kind of wish she lived in Nashville and needed childcare, she would keep my school open with her 48 children. Imagine the diapers those people buy, they will have 4 children (possibly 5) in diapers. I think she uses anti-birth control.

 

• Tipp’s post on 15 parenting tips is hilarious. I think it is hilarious how many people just wing parenting. READ A BOOK PEOPLE! DAMN! If your 8 year old sleeps in your bed, still takes a bottle and breast feeds you are a failure. Plain and Simple.

 

• I tried out for Wheel Of Fortune one time. I didn’t make it…damnit. I would kick that shows ass. I’m a puzzle solving fool!

 

 

 

Deep Thoughts

• Why does everyone seem to have a crazy neighbor? Mae’s neighbors are definitely loons. Talking on the phone outside, tatted, crazy hysterical dog, out all night..I say strippers, Mae says Christian musicians

 

• Have you ever seen the loony tunes when Bugs Bunny dresses up like a women gladiator and rides that crazy horse with the skinny legs in order to entice Elmer Fudd and it works?? You so lovely, my broomhilda…HILARIOUS

 

• I wish they would get internet on planes, 18 hours would fly by if I could look up random gorilla facts or which celebrity married who. OR I could play Scrabble!! I’m excited just thinking about it!!

 

• Why do people think monkeys are so cute? Is it the disgusting beady eyes, horrific stench, crazy high pitched squeal sound they make? Or is it the fact that they are the root of pretty much every disease in the world?? NOT CUTE!

 

• I wonder who came up with the idea to do some really dangerous things, and who tried it out first. Like swimming with sharks, jumping out of planes, diving over waterfalls in a barrel? Seriously when did that sound like a good idea??

 

• If you were Hilary Clinton would you just give in before the race was over, for the sake of “the party”?? NO! Does she seem like she gives a shit about the good of “the party”…I think I’m going to start using the phrase “the party”..from now on my friends are “the party”

 

• I love using inverted commas when I speak..

 

 

 

Random Things

Ok so Chickbug tagged me.

The details:
- Post the rules on your blog
- Write six random things about yourself in a blog post
- Tag six people in your post
- Let each person know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog
- Let the tagger know your entry is up

Here’s my six random things

• I have been a superhero for every Halloween (except last year) for as long as I can remember. Cat woman, Bat Girl, Superwoman…I also own superhero underwear…

 

• I have always wanted to work at Disney World, as one of the characters. I even applied once..Apparently I’m only eligible to be Jasmine or Pocahontas..Damnit I had my heart set on Ariel.

 

•  I have a huge crush on Benji from So You Think You Can Dance…Yes Yes it’s embarrassing, he is just so happy damnit.

 

• I actually read the Dog Whisperer to help me figure out what the hell to do with Atticus sometimes.

 

• I cry every time I watch Titanic. (don’t lie, you know you do to!)..Those two had only each other!!!!

 

 

• I can do a really awesome Indian Accent. Every time Mae and I do it, J loses it laughing. It’s hilarious.

 

Ok I tag Tipp, Mrs. Lilac, I’m not really a Diva, and Michelle and The City

Bucket List

I think everyone should do this. It is a list of things you want to accomplish before you die. These can’t be life goals, like have kids or get married. They need to be random things you’ve always wanted to do. The catch is you actually have to try and accomplish some of them!

Here’s mine!

1. Learn how to drive a stick shift (yes, yes, it’s pathetic I know)
2. Swim in the Dead Sea
3. Sing on Broadway (this is one of those unattainable ones..if you know me you know why..I am not exactly musically inclined)
4. Live in London
5. See Gorillas (not at the zoo, I want to see them wild)
6. Drive across the US. (Not coasts, I want to see all the middle bits)
7. Go to a clambake
8. Tend bar on an island..a la Cocktail with Tom Cruise…wait screw the working, I just want to live there.
9. See Mount Rushmore
10. Learn to snow board (and hopefully not kill myself)
11. Go to Russia
12. Take the Sound Of Music Tour in Austria (I’m going to sing every damn word of that movie the entire time too!!)
13. See the Seven Wonders of the World (yeah I know there are like 25 wonders, but I’ve got my seven all picked out)
14. See Buddhist Monks in a monastery
15. Canoe down the Zambezi

Tell me some of yours..I can’t promise I won’t steal them…

Ugly Cry

As I was perusing the movie story today I saw P.S. I love you. Probably one of the saddest movies I have seen in my life. Mae and I saw this Hilary Swank, Gerrard Butler movie in the theatre. Bad Move. We left looking like we had just been in a fight with a mascara wand and lost…badly. This was seriously NOT cute, ugly cry to the 100th degree.

However, sometimes a good, ugly, snotty movie cry is just what you need. I started thinking about movies that make me weep like a fawn no matter how many times I’ve seen them. I am a huge fan of the movie cry, it’s so much better than the real life cry because you aren’t really sad, just lost in the story.

So in case any of you are in the need for a nice weeping sob fest here are some of my favorite sad movies.

1.  Terms of Endearment. This is THE sad movie of all time. It stars Shirley Maclaineand Debra Winger as mother and daughter. This movie came out in 1983 but has lost none of its relevance. Let me set the scene for you..Debra Winger has three children with a real asshole husband (Jeff Daniels) she has terminal cancer and is in the last stages. Her mother Shirley Maclaineis taking care of Debra, the kids and dealing with the husband. There is a scene in the hospital where Shirley Maclaineruns around the nurses station screaming “My daughters in pain, she needs her pills, get my daughter her pills!!”.This might be the most heartbreaking moment in cinematic history. And we still have deathand custody of the children to deal with!

2. The Notebook. The undisputed best love story of all time. Allie and Noah. You’re a bird, I’m a bird. Life-long love. Die at the same time cause they can’t live without each other. WOAH. GOOD MOVIE! This movie is great because it spans these people’s entire lives, it invests you in them. Too often there are movies where the people meet in one day and love each other madly. This does not ring true. Noah waited 14 years for Allie, then spent his entire life making her happy and moved away from his home to be with her. It doesn’t get much better than that. This movie is what I think every women on earth secretly yearns for. And if they say differently they are lying to you!

3. Steel Magnolias. Sally Field is the best freaker outter in the history of the universe. When she screams “I was supposed to go first, I was ready to go first” It rips your heart out and stomps on it. Add Julia Roberts, Dolly Parton, Shirley Maclaine (she’s a common theme in this post), and Olympia Dukakis and you have got an all star cast, ready to make you cry so hard you throw up. This movie is not only sad it is funny, has great lines and has a great message. The whole package. Some of the aforementioned great lines–

“Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion”

“If you don’t have anything nice to say..come sit by me!”

“You know I love you more than my luggage”

“I’m not mean, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years!”

4. Rent. This is lesser known than the others and a musical so you might not have seen it. If not, you NEED to!!! This movie has the most fantastic music of all time. The music makes this movie. The subject matter is touchy and might turn some people off, but it teaches empathy and understanding for people that are not necessarily like you but have feelings and problems nonetheless. This story is about a group of friends living in NYC in the late 80s-early 90s. Most of them are HIV positive and they are all poverty stricken. When Angel dies and the group is fighting at his funeral it is all I can do not to throw up from crying so hard. This movie feels more real than the others on the list and I am partial to musicals so that could have to do with my attachment to it. And of course my friends and I are total Rentheads (15 years too late..ah well!)

5. Lastly, I am putting When a Man Loves a Woman. This has Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia. Two of the cutest kids on the face of the earth played their children, Mae Whitman and Tina Majorino. These children make this movie. Quick background for you, Meg Ryan is an alcoholic, it is about how they deal with it and all the underlying issues that go with alcoholism. These children abslutely break your heart a million times in this movie. There is a scene where Andy Garcia has given up and is moving, he goes to tell the older girl (who isn’t his, he adopted her) he’s leaving and she asks him since she’s not his real kid will he still come visit her…Sweet lord, I’m tearing up just thinking about it. This movie is poignant and has exceptional acting. Andy and Meg are both fantastic and the kids, of course, steal the show.

 

Go to the movie store right now and get some of these, or queue em up baby!! But be sure to get the tissues, it’s gonna get ugly!

 

Did I miss any really great sad ones?

I’m a Jumper.

So today a friend made an offhanded comment about how I am not cautious when it comes to dating. This is not a surprise to me, I’m not completely ignorant about myself. For some reason this stuck with me all morning. I started thinking about how, yes I am kind of a jump in with both feet kind of person.

I have really only had two big fears in my life.

1. To come to the end of my life and look back with regret. I am terrified to sit by myself when I’m 80 and think Damnit I should have done _____. I want to sit there by myself and be content with my memories, knowing I left no stone unturned.  There is a train song about looking back on your life at various points, it scares the crap out of me!

2. Having my kids think I am uncool–and them being RIGHT! I have had my ridiculous teen years and many (MANY) disagreements with my parents over the years, but I could never accuse them of being uncool. They aren’t, it’s just a fact. My parents have lived a fantastic life; owned businesses, emigrated, traveled the world, been in jail for protesting human rights, walked in the jungle with lions, had kids, grandkids and danced like fools. They are cool. I want my kids to feel the same way about me, to just know that I have experienced life and can offer them advice from that experience.

So yes I am less than cautious, in love and otherwise. As to the in love part, I have dated some wonderful and not so great people but I can honestly say I don’t regret anyone. I have always learned from the experience. I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve only really been knocked on my ass one time. It was the kind of thing where you love someone so much you don’t see their faults and would move mountains to be with them. I have learned from that experience how resilient I am and that I definitely want to the movie love kind of love. It’s out there people! I see it in my married friends and parents every day. Sometimes just glimpses and its not all roses but it’s there! So yes i jump in with both feet and if I knew how to dive I’m sure I’d do that too!

I’ve made mistakes and will probably make tons more. I’ve ugly cried and laughed so hard I thought I would throw up. I’ve never stayed in a job I hate, never stayed in a relationship long after it was good just because it was comfortable, I’ve done my dream job, and had one foot in one ocean and the other in another. I’ve done some stupid things that I won’t go into, but I don’t regret them! If anything they are really funny stories! So, I’m going to continue to jump in headfirst and hope that when the time comes I will look back and be content.  

Stupid Celebs

So I got a comment from Mrs. Lilac today saying Mariah Carey got married. Surely not I thought. She could not be that stupid…oh but just you wait. Apparently a clergymen said he married Mariah–aged 39 to NICK CANNON–aged 27! This is the kid that pretty much got his start and finish on Nickelodeon. Mariah Carey was around BEFORE Nickelodeon! That poor kid needs to run for his life. Which I’m sure he will do and set a new record for short marriages. Maybe the turn around can be 24 hours this time! Here’s to hoping!!

This crappy story got me thinking about some of the really stupid stuff celebrities do. It makes me laugh. These people are so predictable, I mean come on at least make it interesting (who am i kidding I watch access Hollywood every day!)!

Such as, Isaiah Washington calling T.R. Knight a fag and then REPEATING it over and over!! I mean for the love of Pete man, learn to shut the hell up!! Because of your verbal diarrhea you lost a job on the number 1 rated TV show and will forever be remembered as a bigot. Good move, asshole!

Another stupid celebrity trick was Britney Spears. I mean I can’t even go into that girls issues. My heart bleeds for her, it must be hard to be a million at the age of 12. That is DEFINITELY an excuse to go cuckoo for cocoa puffs and drag two innocent babies down with you. My heart bleeds for her.  I never thought I would see the day when Kevin Federline was the front runner in a custody battle. I mean he DOES have like 12 kids with 10 different mommas so I’m sure custody battles are old hat to him. He’s beaten the system!!!

Oh wait I forgot my favorite one! Miley Cyrus’s nudey Vanity Fair pics! Come on guys, I don’t care if Annie Lebowitz says its a good idea to strip down your tween and lay her all over Daddy it doesn’t mean go for it! I mean DAMN who’s the parents here? And where the hell was Mom? And HELLO the kid is a damn Disney star. I don’t think Old Walt would have wanted his top money maker made up like a damn street urchin and stripped down to her birthday suit (the blanket does not count in my book)! You sure ain’t Oliver Twist sweet heart! Let’s just say I can overlook the shocking misjudgment of stripping her pre-pubescent ass down (which I can’t), let’s just say they can call the nudey ones “Art” (which they can’t). How about the ones when she is sprawled all over Billy Ray??  I’m 25 and it’s safe to say I have never laid on my dad like that. Not for the sake of art or anything. There are lines people, you especially aren’t allowed to cross them with children in the car!! I think it’s time for Mom and Pops Cyrus to start to see their daughter instead of a giant paycheck with braces.

As an aside here, I seriously think Annie Lebowitz needs some therapy..Who sees a kid and her dad and immediately thinks “Let’s get naked!”

 

 

As I sit and think about all the stupid shit celebrities do on a daily basis it just makes me glad to be me! Not that i don’t do stupid stuff on a daily basis but at least no one is taping it!

What are your favorite celebrity screw ups??

 

Grey’s Is Back Baby!!

Guys I never thought it would happen! Grey’s Anatomy is BACK!! I’m so happy I have no words…ok we all know that isn’t true. I have plenty of words, if you don’t want the show majorly ruined I would stop reading right now cause I am about the spoil the shit out of it!

Ok so I am SO happy that this whole Izzy/George cheating whores, bad sex debacle is over! That was just stupid. I mean like Izzy, who could have anyone and HELLO had Denny would

A. Hookup (sidenote: my mom used the phrase hooked up tonight. HA!) with George

 B. Sleep with a married man. Meredith and Addison play cheating whore way better.

I actually teared up this week when George and Izzy were talking in the hallway and he said he always looks around to see if she thought the same thing was funny like he did. GUYS, be BEST FRIENDS again! I understand they need to get there and all that but damn they are so good. What the hell were you thinking Shonda, hooking them up?? BAD CALL! Especially after you made us fall hook line and sinker in love with Denny. (Who by the way I still love, and seriously ugly cry every time I even THINK about that dying scene or hear the Chasing Cars song. Here see for yourself (you are dead on the inside if you don’t cry)

Damn I watched it. Hold on while I compose myself. Who am I kidding, this could take awhile. Talk amongst yourselves.

Now moving on the Christina, I love her, always have always will. She is awesome. I love tonight that she had to practice talking “girl”. I totally relate to that, I can’t talk ”girl” either.  She never really annoyed me, just the fact that Burke LEFT her at the altar. SERIOUSLY, after all that shit, and HELLO asshole she didn’t even want a wedding! Maybe if Isaiah Washington could keep his damn mouth shut they could have kept the character. I will admit there is a hole in the show without Preston. I love how today Christina said to Hahn, “Is it because I’m Asian?” bahahah..yeah kid its a race thing, Hahn is just in love with the most overtly ethnic person on the show, Callie.

And about Callie, I like her so much more now that she is not simperingly in love with George (seriously George?!?!?). I wish she had punched Izzy’s face in for cheating though. I think this whole Hahn is a lesbian thing is AWESOME! I laughed out loud tonight when Callie asked Meredith and Christina if anyone thought they were Lesbians and Meredith says “No cause we are whores who drink tequila and sleep with boys” (this isn’t he exact quote I couldn’t find it). HILARIOUS, cause they ARE drunken whores and I love that they know it!

Sloan thinking and saying he is God is awesome. And his face when he saw Derek, Meredith, Addison and Rose in the elevator was too good. Another laugh out loud moment. I wish he would have said “I had him first girls!”. Derek is totally his heterosexual life partner.

I love love love that Meredith is in therapy, DAMN if anyone needs it, it is that girl. She and Lexie should get a discount rate to deal with all their family shit. Now work Mer out and make her propose to Derek! And let them be HAPPY for five freaking minutes!

And how about Rebecca’s lying tramp ass. Pregnant, WHATEVER! Believe me girl Alex is not the type to be trapped. It won’t be pretty.

Thank God Grey’s is BACK! I never thought they could right all the amazing wrongs of last season, I really thought I would hate it forever for ruining all my favorite characters! I’m not going to lie i wrote a letter to Shonda after that shithole season finale of last year. I like to think she listened.

Atticus Update

As I type Atticus is alternately attacking his new chicken toy and chasing his own tail. He got SO big in the three days I was away! I can’t believe it!

I thought I would post some new pics of the little guy.

 

Behavior update: Atticus is doing great! He is totally fine with the crate, actually likes it (and I didn’t believe the vet!) and his accidents are few and far between. He actually sits by the door and whines now! Amazing, dogs are so smart! The vet said Australian Shepard’s (that’s what his momma is) are really smart. But I think 2 weeks is pretty incredible (I might be a scoche biased)! (HUGE sigh of relief inserted here.

HO-LY SHIT! As I’m typing Atticus just walked in to the bedroom and lay down in the crate!! He’s a genius!