I’m a Jumper.

So today a friend made an offhanded comment about how I am not cautious when it comes to dating. This is not a surprise to me, I’m not completely ignorant about myself. For some reason this stuck with me all morning. I started thinking about how, yes I am kind of a jump in with both feet kind of person.

I have really only had two big fears in my life.

1. To come to the end of my life and look back with regret. I am terrified to sit by myself when I’m 80 and think Damnit I should have done _____. I want to sit there by myself and be content with my memories, knowing I left no stone unturned.  There is a train song about looking back on your life at various points, it scares the crap out of me!

2. Having my kids think I am uncool–and them being RIGHT! I have had my ridiculous teen years and many (MANY) disagreements with my parents over the years, but I could never accuse them of being uncool. They aren’t, it’s just a fact. My parents have lived a fantastic life; owned businesses, emigrated, traveled the world, been in jail for protesting human rights, walked in the jungle with lions, had kids, grandkids and danced like fools. They are cool. I want my kids to feel the same way about me, to just know that I have experienced life and can offer them advice from that experience.

So yes I am less than cautious, in love and otherwise. As to the in love part, I have dated some wonderful and not so great people but I can honestly say I don’t regret anyone. I have always learned from the experience. I can honestly say I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve only really been knocked on my ass one time. It was the kind of thing where you love someone so much you don’t see their faults and would move mountains to be with them. I have learned from that experience how resilient I am and that I definitely want to the movie love kind of love. It’s out there people! I see it in my married friends and parents every day. Sometimes just glimpses and its not all roses but it’s there! So yes i jump in with both feet and if I knew how to dive I’m sure I’d do that too!

I’ve made mistakes and will probably make tons more. I’ve ugly cried and laughed so hard I thought I would throw up. I’ve never stayed in a job I hate, never stayed in a relationship long after it was good just because it was comfortable, I’ve done my dream job, and had one foot in one ocean and the other in another. I’ve done some stupid things that I won’t go into, but I don’t regret them! If anything they are really funny stories! So, I’m going to continue to jump in headfirst and hope that when the time comes I will look back and be content.