Training Bra Tramps

Ok so this is pretty much how I feel today.

 

So at the end of this horrific day/week I go to get some nice greasy Chinese food (I’m definitely an emotional eater, I’m planning on eating an entire chocolate cake in about an hour, I’m waiting for the 6 pounds of pad thai to settle).

As i am waiting for the food I can’t help but overhear (who am I kidding, I might as well have a glass to my ear) two children. Picture training bra’s and knee socks. ( these kids were actually 14-15). So here is the conversation

Girl 1 (we’ll call her Amber)- So Tim like totally keeps telling me he loves me. I’m like whoa Tim back off

Girl 2 (she’ll be Tiffany)- That is so crazy, I can’t believe he like keeps telling you that. Gah!

Amber- I mean Tony told me he was telling him how hot I was. He said I was a sex pot. (i swear to god this child said sex pot–she might as well put on go-go boots head to Studio 54 and do a line off Hugh Hefner’s ass)

At this point I am trying to decide if I should laugh or cry. I choose to roll my eyes excessively and sigh like it’s my job. I should save my sanity and stop listening but I just can’t tear myself away. Kind of the same problem I have with reality tv.

Amber- Tim came up to me and was like so I hear you have a new car, we should try out the backseat.

Tiffany- Gah! Oh my Gosh! Wow! How did he know you have a new car? (as if this is the part of that sentence that warrants comment)

Amber- I guess he heard me talking to Cindy. I mean I was like back off. But you know I’ll probably do it.

At this point I am literally biting my cheek to cause enough pain to distract me from this car-wreck. In my head I am screaming about teen pregnancy , STD’s, and waiting until you at least have an A cup to test out the back seat! Also, please god don’t start out your sex life in the back seat. It won’t be worth it kid!!

So I thankfully grab my food and run out the door. As I am getting into my little Mazda hatchback ( I love it) I see these bitches kids hop into a brand new Mercedes. However, mom was in passenger seat waiting for them. HA!

Some Random Rants

Why God Why do people going 30 mph feel the need to drive in the left lane! MOVE OVER GRAMPY!

On that note- If you are smoking a cigarette, talking on your gay, stupid, losery blue tooth and fiddling with yourself YOU SHOULD NOT BE DRIVING!

I wonder what it would feel like to punch the bot-ox right out of Cruella. I bet really good.

I wish we could have allergies in winter, it sucks already. Allergies really bring spring down a notch. Damn the pollen.

Why do people view an evite and then not respond? HELLO, just mark NO it takes ONE MINUTE. And side note I can see when you view it!!

I never thought I would be so happy to see a dog take a shit outside…

I kind of like Ashley Simpson’s new song… I hate myself a little for that.

Star Jones is getting divorced–Gee I’m so surprised. (my voice is dripping with sarcasm right now)

Deep Thoughts..Again…

 More Deep Thoughts

 

• I love my life right now, I’m getting great news on all fronts!!! GOOD DAY!

 

• It was 80 degrees today and I didn’t have my little schmoopy cutey dog to play with in the park…sigh…

 

• Why do some people (who are clearly stupid) have this innate sense of entitlement, when they have done nothing to deserve it? And why is it they are always in a position of power? How did they get there?!?!?! On their backs, that’s how…

 

• Why does everyone pick on the weaker (i.e. nicer) kid?

 

• Christy Lee Cook HAD to go! Damn she sucked…

 

• M & M’s taste really good…way better than Smarties (that one was for you Jane!)

 

• Kate-of Jon and Kate plus 8- is kind of my mothering idol.

 

• “Evil will always win because good is dumb.” (name that quote!)

 

• Have you ever seen the Mike Myers skit–Hyper Hypo?? Picture it, Mike Myers and Nicole Kidman dressed as little kids in front of and old-school jungle gym. Mike Myers has one of those kid harnesses tying him to the jungle gym. Why do parents do that shit? I really think sometimes parents do this shit cause they hate their kids. I mean a harness really???

If you feel like laughing until you pee a little watch this!

 

 

• This was one of my first experiences working with kids-I go into a classroom all bright eyed and bushy tailed, sing song voice, sign language, and hand gestures all ready. I might as well have been wearing a puff paint sweater and holding an apple. I plop down in the middle of a classes circle time (kids sit in a circle and teacher teaches–pretty self explanatory) Here is the exchange:

Betsy: Wilby get your hands out of your pants!

Wilby: (who clearly has some issues going on in the southern region as his hands are in his pants up to his elbows)

Betsy: (after she asks him ten times and he keeps sticking em back down there, like there was a cookie in there or something) WILBY!! WHAT IS GOING ON!!!

Wilby: I’m trying to keep my PENIS DOWN!

Rosy: hysterical laughter, rolling around on the floor.

 

I miss Betsy.

 

 

Cutest kid on earth..seriously

While Mae was looking up dog names just now she found the funniest cutest thing on earth..WATCH IT!! And get ready to fall off your chair laughing