I was the kid running around the exam room while the Dr. and three of his nurses chased me around with a needle to give me my MMR. My mother once told my sister that if she made a face when she got her shot (before me) she would be grounded for a year. I also ran (not walked) out of the dentist the first and only time a dentist tried to fill my tooth (thank god it was a baby tooth and thank god my only cavity to date.)
I’m not like that anymore. I haven’t cried at the site of a needle for years. There’s no point, they are sticking you anyway. I just turn my head, I still can’t look. I’ve had half a dozen surgeries, millions of tests, and probably 500 pints of blood drawn. I’ve even had blood taken out of an artery (NO FUN).
Cancer, Hepatitis, Lupus..nope I don’t have any of these. Nothing life threatening here. Just pain. All. The. Time.
The test is to live with the pain not the treatment. The treatment is worse, surgery, pills, menopause, scraping, shots, needles, needles, needles, needles. And nothing can make it go away. All of these just ease the pain for a time but inevitably it creeps back in. It gets worse and worse until you are back where you started. No need to do more tests, you know what it is. The decision is to treat it, miss work for a week, more scars, more pills. Or learn to deal.
I’m dealing. It’s not going away anytime soon. It’s a part of my life. You just move a little slower when it’s bad. The car is the most comfortable place. The seat pushes on all the right places. I always drive everyone, not because I like to spend obscene amounts on gas or think I’m a good driver (I’m not delusional), because it is the only time I feel good. Don’t stay in one position too long, take lots of Pilate’s classes (for some reason they help), medicine when it’s really bad. These are all nice little band aids.
I can’t really complain, I have fantastic friends and family, an oppurtunity I never ever thought I would have the good fortune to have-where I have a chance to actually make a difference and contribute. i just have this one little thing. This is my test.
Ed. Note: Sorry for the morose post guys! It’s for Tipp’s Blog Carnival! Don’t you worry your pretty little heads off I will be bitching and moaning and quoting movies again tomorrow! Four days until Atticus’ arrival! Yippee! Get the scones Mrs. Lilac!
Rosy
